|
Symptom |
Fault |
Action |
|
Feet cold and wet |
Glass being held at incorrect angle |
Rotate glass so that the open end points
towards ceiling |
|
Feet warm and wet |
Improper bladder control |
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about
house training |
|
Beer unusually pale and
tasteless |
Glass empty |
Get somebody to buy you another beer |
|
Opposite wall covered
with fluorescent lights |
You have fallen over backwards |
Have yourself lashed to the bar |
|
Mouth contains cigarette
butts |
You have fallen forwards |
See above |
|
Beer Tasteless, front of
your shirt is wet |
Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong
part of face |
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror |
|
Floor blurred |
You are looking through bottom of empty
glass |
Get someone to buy you another beer |
|
Floor moving |
You are being carried out |
Find out if you are being taken to
another bar |
|
Room seems unusually dark |
Bar has closed |
Confirm home address with bartender |
|
Taxi suddenly takes on
colourful aspect and texture |
Beer consumption has exceeded personal
limitations |
Cover mouth |
|
Everyone looks up to you
and smiles |
You are dancing on the table |
Fall on someone cushy-looking |
|
Beer is crystal clear |
It's water. Somebody is trying to sober
you up |
Punch him |
|
Hands hurt, nose hurts,
mind unusually clear |
You have been in a fight |
Apologise to everyone you see just in
case it was them |
|
Don't recognise anyone,
don't recognise the room you are in |
You've wandered into the wrong party |
See if they have any free beer |
|
Your singing sounds
distorted |
The beer is too weak |
Have more beer until your voice improves |
|
Don't remember the words
to the song |
Beer is just right |
Play air guitar |